Headed for the big D and don't mean Dallas

Yes. Headed for Divorce. We are in the beginning stages of this. I've been trying to get my spouse to leave for a while now. At first I thought it might be good to just have a little break but the spouse refused to leave knowing that they had the "right" to be here. So the only option was to file for divorce. Well...I actually haven't done that yet. And spouse has not actually moved out just staying with ...Mommy...aka Monster-in-Law. All the friends agree it is the best thing for all involved. My friends are ovbiously sick of hearing about all of it. They are more ready for this to be over than I am...because they don't have to live here. I know deep down that splitting up is the best thing, but that doesn't make it any easier to be facing the fact that my marriage has failed in less than one year, and that we are expecting our first child and being alone.

So my problem today is...friends seem to expect me to be elated that spouse is not here right now...that things are moving toward the end. But I'm anything but elated! I'm de-flated! Who wants their marriage fail? Who wants to see their spouse walking out the door? Knowing that if ...just if ...this...then that....yadada then everything could have worked? Did that make any sense? If not sorry. It did in my head. And I'm angry with my friends a little b/c eventhough they've been there for me and they listen, I still feel like NO ONE HEARS ME! And I'm totally frustrated and just sad today.

If one more person says...you'd better not let spouse back in the house I may scream...who's business is it anyway? I just wanted to vent to my friends...I don't want them to help me get a divorce. It would be nice if they actually did something to try to help us stay together. No one got on the stay together wagon with me when we tried counseling but now EVERYONE says, "Do it. Just get divorced. That's all you can do at this point. " I don't want anyone making up my mind for me. AAAGGGHHH!! Today i want spouse to stay gone but I maybe tomorrow I will want to try to talk (probably a bad idea) I just ....well I think I'm rambling now and going nowhere with this. That is all for today.


Charlie

Getting Started

I watched Julie and Julia last night and although I was NOT inspired to cook, I guess I was somewhat inspired to create a blog. I have a whole lot going on in my life right now. A journal helped me through high school and one other crazy spot I went through after college. So I thought maybe a Blog would be helpful now to sort out some things, to get feedback from others to confirm or deny that I am "loosing it" or simply to vent. I'm not a very elegant writer or speaker so if anyone does read this, don't expect professional literary skills.

I have to go pre-heat the oven for a pizza. So long for now.


Charlie.